Madness?!#@% [giggle]

I have made a big decision of changing my major from Business Administration to Communication Arts. This may be the best thing that is happening to me right now or it could be my biggest mistake yet. I guess that I’ll never know. I’ve had enough with Business Administration. Looking back, I didn’t know what I was thinking, choosing this subject as my major. I mean, out of all my IGCSE subjects, my worst ones were History and Business Studies (got “B”for both this subject). The rest of the subjects that I took, I either got A or A*. So why am I doing this.

After thinking about this for I while, I remembered that I chose to study BBA was because I didn’t want to go to the science related field, at least not without me taking A-levels and definitely not in Thailand. Anyway, I didn’t really had any chance of going abroad, so I just took Business. Now, I’m paying the costs of not deciding carefully. The past 2 years, I have been excruciatingly suffering in classes, wanting to hang myself with a rope connecting my neck to a strong tree branch every time I walk pass a big full grown majestic tree. All those time I spent in accounting and management classes, I wish I could bring them back. Since I’ve changed to communication arts, I’ll have to take all the summer classes possible and in normal semesters, I have to enroll in the maximum number of allowed courses in order to graduate within 4 years. FUCK..

I doubt that Communication Arts would be my best choice for my career but its the best I could do right now. I’m turning 19 next year, becoming a Junior soon and still don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have no special talents. I am clumsy. I am a pessimist. I detest perfection. I wonder what I would be doing 3 years from now. I cannot see myself 3 years from now. Not at all. Changing my major to Communication Arts also makes me feel more insecure about my future. I mean, statistics show that people in this field get paid less that BBA and the employee turnover rate is slightly higher.

As soon as people knew that I’m changing majors again (I did this last year, but I chickened out and persuade myself to continue BBA), they were like “AGAIN!!!”. Not surprised.

Because I’m changing majors, I dropped 4 subjects cause I don’t need the credits so I only have two 3 hour classes per week [which are on Monday and Wednesday] until the end of this semester. These huge amount of free time had made me thinking about many things. So much, that I’ve turned into the depressing dude. I need something different right now. I can’t stand with whats going on around me right now. I don’t have any girlfriend. No sign of getting one at all. I’m not the type of guy that girls run to anyway. I’m just a fat, despaired dude.

I guess I need some changes in my life right now. In a positive way though.

You know what… it would be good if I get a SUGAR MOMMA. Yeah..That would be cool wouldn’t it.

…

..

Or should I just go further out of my comfort zone and get me a SUGAR DADDY. LOL. That would certainly be something new and bring about change in my life.

I guess I’m getting crazier day by day. The madness is crawling into me [not that its weird [I'm not THAT sane compared to normal people]

As you can see, I’m desperate for change right now. I need some changes in my life. PLEASE!!!!! Anything!!

Still, its not like anything would happen if I just sit here and wish as hard as I could. I’ll have to find an opportunity for change. If I couldn’t find one, I guess I’ll have to make one. Despite saying all that, I still don’t know what I should be doing.
Talking about those stuffs reminded me of yesterday’s show of “Dead Like Me” that I watched in True Series. Its the 2nd episode of the 2nd season I think. I really like the speech by the protagonist’s boss. What she said in the office was SOMETHING like :

“College life is like a buffet. Men, women, top, bottom. You could try all that. Everyone tries it all. Your like a fat man with a fork. But as you grow older, its harder to find a fork.”

If you remove the sexual part from the speech above, it kinds of make sense.

At first I was laughing my ass off but after thinking about it carefully. Its kinda true.  As you are younger, you have lots of opportunities to try something new and do what you want. But as you grow older, its not that easy to find opportunities anymore and you may not even be able to do the things you want to do anymore. That kind of made me think hard about my life right now.

I may not have told anyone this, but I really wished that I’ve got the chance to do my bachelor’s degree in the US.  TnT

And now I’m stuck in Bangkok and feeling insecure about my future. o_O..